The Moment At Hand

Last Thursday I found myself learning something profound from a casual interaction with my friend and co-worker John. Ever since I can remember I have been constantly setting up events, goals, and deadlines to took forward to. I have always found ways to fill the void of what most people call “free time” or “downtime”. I don’t know how to relax to me the concept is foreign and almost frightening.   My life revolves around set destinations. In my life the present moment is just another obstacle along my journey to “the promised land”.

As John and I sat on shift at an empty TCU Rec. Rock Wall I made a comment about how I can’t stand just sitting around.  John didn’t quite understand what I meant by my comment so I begun to explain…  I grew up in LA where there is always some thing to do, some place to go, someone to see; people are constantly moving.  Those that fail to jump out of bed and hit the ground running day after day in a city where things are so costly and standards are set so high will surely never find success.  As I finished explaining my mentality and reasons behind my madness John laughed and said “dude that’s actually kind of sad that you aren’t able to enjoy the time that you currently have”.  He then went on to explaining that un like myself who grew up in a large metropolis he comes from a small suburb of Memphis Tennessee.  His town offers little to do for its residence and not much is expected.  He describe how sometimes the highlight of his weekend would be him and his friends building a shelf or just siting by a creek the whole afternoon.  For John its not so important as to what is getting done at the present time, but rather how much you are enjoying yourself currently.  He doesn’t stress out over making plans or meeting deadlines because from his eyes you just waste your time when you stress over things you cannot currently change.

 The contrasts we found in our upbringings digressed into a long conversation the helped me understand and appreciate the fundamental value of down time.  As John put it “no one can constantly be going at 110% all the time your eventually going to burn out.” Taking the time to step back and relax is just as important as working hard.

I hate watching TV. I get depressed when I am not doing anything productive. I have never learned how to cope with relaxation. Even when I am doing things that people associate with relaxation I begin to think “what I am doing to make progress in my life”. My mind as I go to bed is filled about my agenda for the next day. I micro manage my life. But all this is wrong! It’s unhealthy to live and stress about the future the way I do. John taught me profound lesson that opened my eyes. You have to find value in appreciating, enjoying and ultimately embracing the moment at hand.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”- Alice Morse Earle (Yes that was in Kung Fu Panda also.)

My Opportunity Cost's

            As the one-month milestone of my sophomore year comes rolling along I can reflect and appreciate the vast amount of knowledge I have already obtained, despite it being so early in the academic year.  I am a major advocate of learning from mistakes. But although I recognize the vitality of being open to failure and the ability to move forward, I am a fundamentally a perfectionist.  I hate making mistakes and can often be very hard on myself when caught making regrettable decisions. 

In fact, upon my first few days of being back at TCU I failed; I failed to say “no”.   Coming back from summer vacation, I wad immediately inundated with multiple scheduling requests from my three employers (Rec. Rock Wall, Adventure Trip Programs, Foster Hall).  Being eager to please (and unrealistic with my self), I kept on saying yes to my mangers’ requests. After a few days I quickly came to the realization that I had committed to countless hours of work and had developed a schedule that was feasibly impossible with shifts, class periods, and social commitments.  At first I attempted to shrug it off telling myself that I would manage some how and that staying busy would be a good thing for me.  But as school assignments kept coming while social opportunities passed, I quickly became overwhelmed by fatigue and frustration. I had failed because I didn’t know how or when to say no.  Saying no is one of the most fundamental yet often, difficult thing to do.  I have learned this lesson the hard way. The ability to weigh opportunity costs and to say no to the least profitable is one skill that is vital to living a well-balanced life.

What Occupies My Thoughts

           As Americans, the late teens and early twenties are arguably the most important years of our life.  Traditionally youth are expected to depart from the comfort of our homes to attend Universities where we are expected to become independent while developing crucial professional and life skills.  This unique opportunity gives us the chance to learn an immense amount, not only about our academic field but about ourselves.  I know I for one can safely say that I have learned more in the past year and a half then I could have even feasibly imagined prior to having been thrown into this experience.  In an attempt to insure that I obtain the full extent of this valuable knowledge I will regularly be making “What I Have Learned” entries to document the many life lessons and information that have come to occupy my thoughts.

A Mad Conversation

As a second year honors student at Texas Christian University, I am taking an English course titled Literature and Civilization Two.  One primary goal of this course is to expand students’ mindsets to think on a more global level.  In order to broaden our horizons as globalized citizens, my class was assigned the task of meeting and speaking with students in TCU’s intensive English program and to reflect this in a blog.  Initially, when given this assignment, I had an array of mixed feelings.  I was uneasy with the thought of having to meet a total stranger with whom I figure I would have little to no mutual interests. While uncertain and nervous of what to expect, I was also very eager to be able to meet someone from a different culture.  About a week ago I received the long anticipated email stating my conversation partner from the program was going to be Emaad Baader.  I immediately emailed him asking for his contact information and for a convenient date/time we could meet for the first time.

On Friday the thirteenth, I had the unique opportunity to converse with Emaad for the first time.  As soon as I walked into Union Grounds, I immediately realized that I have meet Emaad a number of times before.  Emaad or Mad as he goes by in the U.S., often comes to climb at the recreation center rock wall where I work.  Recognizing one another enabled us to quickly dive into an intimate and fluid conversation. It felt as if we spoke for only 10 minutes but in reality it lingered on towards a little over an hour.   I learned a great deal about Mad during this time.

 Although everyone was born and raised in Saudi Arabia, Mad’s family comes from a region of Mongolia giving him a unique Asian appearance.  It was just over six months ago that Mad moved to the United States to get a degree in Computer Science.  He is on a full four-year scholarship funded by the Saudi Arabian government.  The academic scholarship also comes with a $1,500 monthly allowance for living expenses, which he is completely dependent upon.  Although generous, the scholarship comes with a number of requirements both academic and extracurricular.  Mad says that he feels an immense amount of pressure to meet these requirements.   Compared to the Saudi Arabian education system, the one in place here in the United States is far more rigorous. Other than academic challenges Mad often faces social barriers.  He has made very few American friends and often feels alienated. 

Hearing of Mad’s hardships made me feel an immense amount of compassion for him.  For myself, having a father who is an Italian immigrant and a mother who, for all intents and purposes is a 2^nd generation Japanese American (though factually she is a 5^th generation Japanese American), and being far from my home I feel that in many ways I can partially relate to Mad’s experiences. With an empathetic heart I hope to reach out to Mad as a friend, helping him become acclimated to the U.S., within the upcoming months.

It’s not often that a course could have such immediate and profound resonance…