Mad Relationships

            At 7am on Sunday, November 24^th, I arose feeling rather restless.  Not having anything to do and with my roommates still asleep, I decided to do my laundry. While reading and waiting for my clothes to dry, I received a text from Mad, inquiring as to what I was doing at the time.  Although we had planned on meeting some time that day I didn’t expect him to be up so early.  Wanting to get outside and move around, I asked Mad if he would like to grab coffee and go for a walk, to which he gladly obliged.   Thirty minutes later we met at Einstein’s Bagels, got our coffee and began our stroll towards the athletic fields.

Our conversation started with what we had each done in the past week and a half.  Personally I had been busy with a number of exams and papers.  Similarly, Mad had had four midterms and his ILIT test, which after taking for a third time, he was happy to say he passed.  Mad asked me how my studies as a business student at TCU worked.  So I explained to him that each semester I take four to six classes.   My freshman and sophomore years are focused around core classes that every student needs to take.  Then my junior and senior years are spent in specialized classes for my major.   Mad found this interesting because as a student in the intensive English program, his studies at TCU differed in a number of ways.  He only has two years of schooling and he takes four classes all with the same students; and he only has two tests a year, midterms and finals.

            With Thanksgiving break coming up I asked him what his plans were.  I never thought about it before but Thanksgiving is an American holiday.   Sadly, with its lack of significance to Mad and not having any family in the United States, he simply had no plans.  I invited him to come home and stay with me in Los Angeles but he just chuckled and said “Thank you man, but that’s too expensive for me”. 

            Following a few minutes of silence, I recalled an interesting topic from one of my peers’ blog posts.    In my classmate’s blog he spoke to his conversation partner about relationships in Saudi Arabia.  With this inspiration, I began to ask Mad about his personal experiences with women in his country.   It turns out that his interaction with women has been relatively limited because, with the exception of kindergarten, all education in Saudi Arabia is segregated by gender.  The only opportunity for young males to interact with females is in a family setting.  This makes it very difficult for both men and women to find partners.  The majority of times relationships are arranged by family members, but in the end it is up to the couple to decide if the relationship is working or not.  With women being such rare commodities, the men in Saudi Arabia are typically very respectful when it comes to female interaction.    Should a relationship become serious enough for a wedding to occur, a whole other slue of challenges for men arise.   Getting married is a serious matter.   The costs add up to such a great sum that it takes a communal effort by the male’s whole immediate and extended family to gather such an amount of money.    A typical wedding costs at least $50,000.    The cost, all of which falls on the shoulders of the males family, includes a minimum of 500 guests, a dowry fee, gifts, a ring, and literally a Castle for the celebration.   Laughingly,  Mad exclaimed “Its crazy - with the amount of money we spend on one night my wife and I could travel the world”

With our coffees drained and after walking for nearly an hour, Mad and I decided to go our separate ways in order to attend to the chores that needed completing with what remained of our Sunday.  As I walked back to my dorm room my mind kept thinking of how different life for a Saudi Arabian is.   Despite having attended what I considered a highly regulated all boys’ high school, I still find it hard to imagine a life in such a highly structured culture.    I have become immensely appreciative of the social liberties and customs I often take for granted.   This has been an deeply eye opening experience and one that reminds me of the many blessings I have this Thanksgiving.